There is a
magpie between me and the shops - between me and Tilleys, between me and the world really.
Why is it that
magpie swooping season coincides with spring?

I love spring. The weather is beautiful. The flowers come out. The world feels fresh and full of promise... and then a bloody magpie decides to dive bomb me from the sky and attempt to drive a large hole in my skull with its enormous beak.
I hate magpies. I have always hated them - they terrify me.
There was a magpie that lives in my cull-de-sac when I was very little. It was an evil magpie (a redundancy perhaps, but this one was especially evil) and it swooped all year 'round. It also had a particular fondness for swooping small children and used to terrorise us. One day, when I was 2 and my brother was 3, it swooped my brother when we were out in the street playing. I can still see that enormous bird coming at us with its fierce red eyes.

Anyway, this magpie isn't quite as bad. It does keep to itself outside of spring and it doesn't appear to target small children. But it will follow me for up to four blocks, swooping continuously as I run away from it, and I think that it has a particular hatred of me. You see, it has been doing this for years and yet it often seems to ignore everyone else that walks down the street.

I guess it knows how much I hate magpies - or it can sense my fear...
I have found another way to the shops. It takes me half an hour instead of 15 minutes, but there are no vicious magpies.